So funny story today.
God is preparing me for The World Race... just not the way I thought.
I know that he has been working on my heart but it seems that he has other lessons in mind also.
There I was, driving down the 3 lanes of solid traffic known as the Dallas North Tollway, chatting with my dear friend Amanda, when suddenly things start to go downhill.
I know it's only May, but Dallas is hot and I have the air conditioning blowing at full blast trying to combat the heat trying to seep in through my windows. Suddenly, the air is no longer cold.
Confused, I continue to drive and try to think of this as only an inconvenience.
When I finally decided to pay attention to the thermostat, my heat gauge was all the way at hot. You know, so far hot that it can't possibly get hotter and all you can think is, "not good, not good, not good".
In a matter of seconds, I hang up with Amanda and pull over to the side of the highway where my car sits at the edge of 3 lanes of traffic moving at a minimum of 70 miles an hour. Leaning over the edge of the road, I see that I'm about 15 feet above the ground.
At this point, I do what any good 24 year old girl would do....
I call Mom.
Then I call the Mechanic.
Then I call Dad.
Then I begin my hunt for a gas station so that I can add water to the radiator in an attempt to get the car to start without overheating. Walking down the highway, I start to think about my prayer time that morning and how much God actively influences my life each and every day.
Then I begin thinking about how this may just be training for something we might experience on the World Race.
After walking along the highway, running down the onramp and across the access road, I survey the road in each direction to quickly learn that there is not a gas station in either direction. So, I make a quick decision and decide that my best bet is Ikea about three quarters of a mile north.
Once inside, I locate a full flat of bottled water and decide that this is my best option. After purchasing the water, I opt to sit on a bench for a bit and, once again, call mom. We have a lovely chat before I set back out.
The looks I receive are comical as I pull my hair back, roll up my pant legs and hoist the flat of water until it sits neatly atop my head. Back to walking. Occasionally, I stop to set the water down and give my aching arms a minute or two of rest. The hour of climbing I did that morning was not helping me out at all.
I make my way back down the highway and set to work. After a little trouble, I get the hood up and the radiator cool enough to open. It quickly swallows several bottles of water and I continue to poor water in until it is full. 5 bottles total. Now is the moment of truth. Will the car turn on and drive without overheating?
Success!!!!!
The water trick worked. Then there was driving back to the mechanic next to my apartment. Now, I'm no dummy. I rolled all the windows down and turned the heat on full blast trying to pull as much heat as possible off of the engine in an effort to not overheat on my way to the mechanic.
Finally, I made it to the shop and that is where my car sits now as I sit at home awaiting a phone call to tell me what the damage is.
Over the last weekend, I had the opportunity to go on a 4 day outdoor climbing trip.
Let me preface... when I started climbing I was scared of heights. Like really scared of heights. I used to get to the top of the wall and refuse to let go because I felt safer holding on to the top of the wall for dear life than I felt letting go so that I could be lowered to the ground where its really safe. Looking back, this is ridiculous! Why in the world would I rather stay where its scary and dangerous.
So... I don't know why I thought that just because I had overcome my fear heights inside the gym that this would transfer to outside where the rocks are real and really, really tall. Needless to say, when I saw my first climb, I freaked out. It was 65 ft tall and called The Green Goblin. My insides turned to mush. My pulse started to race and my palms got sweaty. I tried taking deep breaths and talking myself out of being scared. I got so far as to put on my brave face and tried smiling.
Yes, that is my brave face. At this point, I've got my harness on with some quick draws hooked on to the belt. I'm wearing shoes designed for climbing and I've got a chalk bag fastened around my waist. Somehow, none of this was reassuring for me. Behind my brave face was me trying not to cry. Because crying is what I do when I'm scared. And I was incredibly scared, but I sucked it and prepared to climb. And climb I did.
Until.... I lost my focus and, once again, started to freak out. Then I did what any rational human being would do- I froze and held on for dear life (as I'm doing in the picture above). As long as I was still and not looking down, then I could calm myself down. Then, out of my fear, I hear a voice below me. The voice is strong and reassuring. It is telling me that I am safe and that I can continue on. Just step up. That is all that needs to be done. And, wouldn't you know it, he was right. All I had to do was trust and continue on.
This is not to say that I didn't freak out again over the weekend; I surely did. But I found that, with that voice reassuring me, I could climb with confidence. Before long, I was half way up a mountain and ready to make it to the top. However, for me, the best part about getting to the top is being able to come down. My feet are solid on the ground and my heart rate has just about returned to normal.
Funny how I had to be on the side of a mountain to learn a little lesson in trust. First remember what you have put your trust in. While climbing, my trust was in my gear and my belay. The same applies in the Christian life; we are given the tools for survival. God has provided us with His Word and his protection. I am reminded of the Armor of God. We have been given all of these pieces to equip us for our journey- to get us up the mountain. And then there is my belay. For life, God is our belay. He is at the end of our rope. He is always there and will never let go. Your belay is there to catch you when you fall and make sure that you are safe is any situation while on the mountain. That belay not only protects me but also encourages me and provides instruction. On the mountain, I had an amazing belay. In life, my belay is perfect.
Several times on the mountain, I had moments of absolute terror. Nothing scares me more than heights and falling. I would find a spot on the mountain that I felt was safe and hold on for dear life. At this point, I did not trust. I put more trust in my fear than anything else. It is easy to read in the Bible that nothing will seperate us from the love of God.... not heights.... not heights.... not heights.... not heights. It is easy to read this but hard to remember when I was actually really high up. But, it's true. Nothing can seperate us from God's love. Fear can make us forget but it doesn't make it not true.
It's really hard to not think about everything that needs to be done and all the money that must be raised every second of every day. There are days when I despair and think that there is simply no way that I can do this. I don't have enough money. My friends don't have enough money. My family doesn't have enough money. Then my mind switches to everything that needs to be done. Go to the doctor. Try and make time for friends and family. Spend more money at REI than I ever thought possible.
Then God spoke to me out of Job 38. Many people read this passage and they veiw God as a loud and overpowering entity who wants to put Job in his place. That was how I used to read this; now I read this passage as being reassuring. God is trying to show Job that he is in control and there is nothing that can get in the way of God's plan.
"Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?
Tell me, if you have understanding."
"Have you an arm like God,
and can you thunder with a voice like his?"
God is not like us; he does not see the impossible. He sees us striving to do that which is impossible without him. These are our greatest moments. These are the moments that clearly point to the power and strength of the Almighty God. They are the reason for our existance- to bring glory to God.
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."
Jeremiah 29:11
I always read this verse focusing on the fact that God has a plan for me forgetting how miraculous that plan is. He plans to make us whole; he is going to fill that void inside of us that we have been trying to fill for so long on our own. And for so long we have been failing to make ourselves complete. Second, his plan for wholeness takes us away from evil. We had been living our lives either embracing evil or running from it and never being able to get away. God has released us from the hold that evil had on our lives. That brings us to the next part of the plan... We get a future and a hope. Both of these are given to us from the blood of Jesus Christ. Outside of him, we have nothing. We are nothing.
The impossible has already been done when God reconciled us to himself. Next to this amazing feat, what is really impossible? This trip is not impossible. The sum of money is not impossible. The buying of and paying for gear is not impossible. The prayer support is not impossible. The safety of our team is not impossible. The impact on our lives and the lives of those people we will encounter is not impossible. With Jehovah God, nothing is impossible.
That being said, here is a little update on what's going on with my fundrasing and such.
God has provided $3,377! Praise be! That is only $123 away from my first deadline.
I have also been given a tent by some dear family friends and it is awesome!
This is my tent set up in my living room.
Through an REI garage sale, I was able to purchase a sleeping bag for considerably less than it should have been.
I have since purchased a sleeping pad and spent the night in the living room testing them out.
I woke up a lot that night but not for a lack of comfort. I expect it was just because I'm not yet used to it.
Finally, I have a cedar chest that my grandfather made for me in my bedroom.
They are commonly refered to as "hope chests" and girls are supposed to fill them with things for when they get married.
However, mine has recently been overtaken with World Race gear. The smaller items, that is.
It is so exciting to think of all that God has provided in the past couple of months and I can't wait to see what He still has in store.
Today, I was able to spend an hour doing a little gardening with my manager and coworker at the restaurant where I work. We started with flower boxes that were dried out and dead from days spent in the swealtering Texas sun with a severe lack of water. We replaced the soil with new rich soil and had brand new flowers lined up and ready to be planted. Not too long later, we had several beautiful flower pots brimming with bright colors and thriving plants. We spent the next little bit watering and adding more soil to ensure that the flowers will continue to have long lives. And, as you know, they must be watered each day to make sure they live and grow producing new flowers with bright petals and vibrant leaves.
Through all of this, I got to thinking about how God cares for us and how we make up his garden of flowers. He finds us trying to look beautiful in a little pot pretending that we are living up to our full potential. Or he finds us looking scraggly and haggard in that same little pot trying to figure out we can fix our lives when our roots can only go so deep. That is when the gardener looks upon us and lovingly chooses to put us in his own garden. He takes us out of our little pot and puts us in the ground full of infinite soil and nutrients ready to care for us until we grow. God puts us in his family ready to love and care for us. He gives us all we need to grow. We are given the Bible and are able to pray for his grace and strength. He surrounds us with all the other flowers in the garden ready to be our companions and to lend us their encouragement. God, as the gardener, loves to care for us. He waters us and prunes us pulling out the weeds and allowing the sun to shine upon our faces.
Sometimes, I forget that God chose to put me in his garden. Sometimes, I forget that I have the heavenly gardener looking out for me ready to be there when I need him. Sometimes, I forget that he loves me and cares for me and that there is nothing that I can do that will get me removed from the garden. I am a flower in the Garden of God.
1. My given name is Tianna LaDawn Roberts.
2. I've gone by Tia since I was little.
3. I would rather read than watch a movie any day.
4. I don't enjoy showers. I take them because I have to.
5. I've spent parts of my life as a vegetarian, a vegan, and a raw vegan.
6. I have a pet snake. Her name is Raj. I've had her since I was 12.
7. I've lived in Colorado, Oklahoma, upstate New York, Queens New York, Sherman Texas, Philadelphia, Washington DC, and, currently, Dallas.
8. I got facebook so that I could talk with a boy I had met and we have never become facebook friends.
9. I drive a Honda Civic. Her name is Dalia.
10. I've been to Mexico, Canada, and Peru.
11. In Mexico, I fell in love with a little Mexican girl named Leticia. I would have stayed in Mexico to live with her and her mom.
12. I hate no athletic talent.
13. I love, love, love rock climbing. I go almost every day.
14. I work as a bartender and I really love it because I get to meet new people every day. I really hate it because I'm always up late and my life seems to revolve around alcohol.
15. I can't identify Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise but I've know who Sean Connery and Harrison Ford were since I was 10.
16. The latest Disney princess has my name and I commonly refer to her as my princess.
17. I'm somewhat obsessed with making fresh juice. I think that everyone should own a juicer and use it daily.
18. I'm completely a hippie.
19. I prefer organic everything.
20. I'm not afraid of not washing my hair while on the race considering I don't wash my hair often either.
21. Ezekiel is my favorite book of the Bible. When God told him to do things, he looked crazy but did them anyway.
22. I recently bought a guitar in an effort to teach myself how to play and bring it with me around the world.
23. Music is the simplest connection with other people.
24. I'm doing my own taxes for the first time in my life this year.
25. I don't like to journal and I don't do a very good job at it.
26. I'm not competitive in the least. I really don't mind if I loose.
27. I really love science fiction.
28. Please discuss doctrine with me. I absolutely love discussing doctrine. It's thrilling!
29. My father raised us in a wood shop. I am capable of building my own furniture.
30. I have a younger sister named Alisa and she is awesome!
31. I'm not electronically inclined. If my computer doesn't turn on, I usually just go on to the next activity and come back later.
32. I don't get worked up very easily. And when I'm angry I quit speaking before I say something stupid that I can't take back.
33. I'm scared of meeting my new team members because I lack a sense of subtlety and can be a little abrasive.
34. I'm super adventurous and will do almost anything for the adrenaline rush.
35. I have a motorcycle liscence and if I weren't going on this trip, I would use my savings to buy a bike.
36. I'm probably gonna put my hair in dreadlocks for the race along with a couple other of my team members.
37. I don't always make wise descisions in relation to men. I don't exactly have a good track record.
38. I'm working on becoming a wise woman.
39. Almost all of my closest friend live across the country.
40. I've been putting off getting my typhoid vaccine because I'm scared of needles.
41. I do have one tattoo. It's behind my ear and it says "bought by the blood of the lamb" in ancient Hebrew.
42. I'm not sure I have a favorite food except that I love dessert. I blame my mom. :)
43. I really do love to cook and bake when there is someone there to help me eat it.
44. When I lived in Philly, I lived in my car for a while before spending some time living at a friend's house.
45. I'm really excited to spend a year in different countries with different people.
46. I'm most excited about living with the Romanian gypsies.
47. My favorites tabs at the top of my web browser right now all pertain to world race gear. None of which I have actually bought yet.
48. I spent several years in theater and musical theater while in high school. Now I hate the plays Oklahoma and The Music Man.
49. I love make-up. It's not because I don't like my face. It's because make up is pretty, like an accessory.
50. Self serve frozen yogurt is the best idea ever.
51. I tend to use big words mostly because those are the ones I think of first.
52. I have a degree in Biblical Studies with a focus in youth ministries.
53. I got to MC the Philadelphia 2008 Word of Life Superbowl and it was awesome!
54. Growing up, I wanted to be a JAG lawyer. Now, I'm neither in the military nor law school.
55. I really love Christian rap and went to college with several well known artists.
56. I plan to try sky diving sometime soon.
57. I like to be scared.
58. I don't like to plan ahead. I would rather just take things as they come.
59. I love the sunshine. I don't love the sunburn that usually comes with the sunshine.
60. I'm D3 deficient.
61. I'm a night owl and I would rather stay up late and then sleep in.
62. I like to eat breakfast foods at night.
63. My Bible looks like a child colored in it. I love highlighters.
64. I have zero artistic talent yet people seem to consider me artsy.
65. I worked at a fair when I was 13 and got hit by a car while selling tickets.
66. I got stitches in my neck when I was 2.
67. I love to tell stories very dramatically.
68. My high school pastor, Paul Ryan, is the reason I began to delve deeper into my faith and explore the deeper aspects of God's grace.
69. I love Motown!
70. I used to write a lot of poetry. 5 of my poems are published as the lyrics to songs.
71. I don't drink energy drinks.... ever, ever, ever, ever.
72. My first legit job was at Dunkin' Donuts in Red Hook, NY.
73. I will not finish my life in Florida playing softball and collecting seashells.
74. I find fundraising really difficult.
75. I recently reconnected with an old friend. And we're better friends now than we were and that's pretty cool.
76. Once time my grandma send me and my sister a hermit crab in the mail. It lived and we named it Sebastian.
77. Can't Touch This!!!!!
78. I've never been arrested.
79. I live alone in a little apartment in far north Dallas.
80. I think American comedy is stupid and British comedy is brilliant.
81. I love video games with zombies and hate all other video games that aren't Mario.
82. I hate politics and economics.
83. I love math. I really love math. I know that I'm a dork.
84. I don't really cry.
85. I dance when I'm singing in worship. My joy just won't stay still.
86. My great grandmother was a Spanish gypsy.
87. I like superstitions because then I get to prove that they're wrong.
88. This is much more difficult than I expected it would be.
89. I don't like blood or gross things or even hearing about blood and gross things.
90. When my mom had surgery I couldn't even be in the room when the doctor came in. My imagination was enough to freak me out.
91. I ran my first mile my junior year of college and was so excited that I called my junior high gym teacher to tell her.
92. The town I grew up in only had one stop light.
93. I really want to run a tough mudder 5k.
94. All of my major injuries have as a result of tripping.
95. My coworker gave me a concusion once by accidently slamming my head into a cooler.
96. I hate writing with a blue pen.
97. I'm a minimalist. I'm actually looking forward to getting rid of my stuff when I leave for the race. Now my mom wants me to keep it all in storage at her house. haha
98. I made "healthy" muffins today from a recipe that my mom got off of Dr. Phil. They are terrible.
99. I want to leave tomorrow for the race.
100. July 2012 - May 2013 is going to be EPIC!!!!!!!!!!
I write this somewhat in responce to a blog written by Brian Barrett and partially because I've been thinking often of what women are supposed to be under God in light of Valentine's Day.
Dear Men of God,
If you have ever been with a woman that did not reflect the Son, I'm sorry. If you have even been with a woman who played games to get what she wanted, I'm sorry. If a woman has ever used your affections to fill her own desire for love and companionship, I'm sorry. If a woman has ever used you for your strength and need to protect women, I'm sorry. If a woman has ever deceived you and preyed upon your manhood, I'm sorry. If a woman has ever left you hurt, demoralized and dejected, I'm sorry. We have been remiss in our position as women and our responsibilities toward you as men.
As men, I know that you are strong and I pray that you would find your strength in the Father. Through that strength forgive us, as woman, for our weakness. Encourage us to stand firm as woman of God. Remind us that our identity is in God and that nothing on this earth has the power to define us.
Beware the woman who is superficial and undefined. Hold out for a woman that stands on the path shown to us by the Word of God. Look for love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self-control. Do not be deceived by sweet words and a pretty face. Allow the Father to lend you discernment and wisdom. Do not fall for the tricks.
Allow us, as your sisters, to encourage you and uphold you. Allow us to find strength in your strength when we are weak. Allow us to hold your name before the Father in prayer day after day. Remember that when you want to be strong on your own, we just want to be there to lend strength when you falter. Give us an opportunity to do things for you as an expression of our love. Remember that we are different.
Reach for understanding when you think of us. We desire love and affection. We desire strength and steadfastness. We want someone to understand us and know us. We desire to be held as we cry and someone to dance with us as we rejoice. We want to be pursued and respected. We want someone to not just see us for our clothes and our jobs and our hobbies; we want someone to see us for our character and our love.
We want to be a woman of God. With God's unending grace we can become more like Ruth and less like Delilah every day. We hope to honor and respect you. To love and nurture you. To never trick or deceive for our own selfish gains. We will support you. We will listen to you. We will run next to you in this race called life. We will pray over you. We will speak life into you. We plead with the Father for his loving mercies. We will desire your best and work for your gain. We are few on this earth but we do exist. Wait until you find us and know that God is faithful.
God was faithful when he created you. He created you as Sons of God. He created you as beings made in his image to be sanctified and conformed to the likeness of His son, Jesus. You are men of God and we would not have it any other way. He made you strong and sure. He made you protective and just. He made you compassionate and understanding. He made you with a desire to do right and a righteous anger at injustice. He made you to be the head of the family. He made you to carry others when they can no longer go on. He knows your desires and your dreams. Stop listening when the world says that you will never be all that they had in mind. Stop listening when they break you down. Stop listening when the world says you are destined to be just like your father. Stop listening to lies. Know that the world has no power over you. That power has been broken and we are the victors in Jesus' name! Know that we, women of God, believe in your potential and we are here to give you encouragement and to give you strength. In God, you find all that you will need.
So thank you. Thank you for putting up with us. Thank you for your strength and your presence. Thank you for upholding the standard that God set forth. Thank you for showing us that Men of God do exist. Thank you for your perseverance. Thank you for leading us on the Path of righteousness. Thank you for being Men- Real Men. Thank you for all that you do for us. Know that we see you. Know that we admire you. Know that we pray for you. Find strength in that and strength in the grace of God.
This blog post is really a copy of an email that someone sent to me. It was not what I expected as a result to my discouragement; but, surely, God inspired its writing.
Truly, it is touching to know you are terrified.
Not that that terror is there.
But that fear always preceeds the most amazing experiences. It is then that He is most able.
We stop trying to do what we want to do and let Him do what He does best. Let Him be food for you when you get hungry. Let Him be the company when you miss the people you love. Let Him be the voice when you dont quite know what to say.
It will amaze you how at home you will feel when it is cold and you are tired.
Tired in spirit. It is true rest as only He is able to provide.
Dont be afraid to tell the people that treat you terrible that it is not their fault.
It isnt.
Enemies try to use people to tell you not to trust in Him.
Tell the enemies to leave and trust The Lord to teach the people.
It is not our place to teach.
We talk, but only He is able to tenderize the heart to take the seed. Tell the people that treat you poorly that you love them.
There will be too many to tell about.
That is the best advice I have to give.
There will always be tradgedies on that trip.
It was not by His design.
The enemy sowed the tares.
Trust in that.
He will do a perfect job through you.
Just dont let your thoughts get in the way.
Trust the words you say as it was not your choice to say them, but His. Trust.
Shakespear drew upon this idea for a dialogue in Romeo and Juliet. But what is in a name? A name is something that someone may use to get your attention. It is sometimes used to describe someone. It is often used to make a point.. sometimes that point is complimentary... sometimes that point is derogetory.
I was named after a character in the 70s Disney movie, Escape to Witch Mountain. If you remember it, the little blond girl's name is Tia. So my parents named me Tianna with every intention of calling me Tia. I've been called other names over the years including my Tia Maria, Tatiana, hey you, babe, waitress. I've been called some other things too. I've been called dramatic. I've been called a brat, opinionated, stubborn, rebelious. And I've been called good things- gracious, poised, articulate, generous.
But the best things I've ever been called have been by my Heavenly Father. These are the ones that matter. These are the ones that push me on when I'm feeling down. They are the ones that are important.
For those of you who know me, you know that me and my computer are only friends because Amanda gradually teaches me how to use it. Well, Amanda suggested I made a video and then wasn't here to offer me her assistance. That left me by my lonesome trying to figure out what all those buttons meant and why the picture that was just there is suddenly gone and then suddenly back with no apparent explination. Alas, several tries later, I finally have a video.
A video to share with people about The World Race.
A video to tell people about my journey.
A video that people can share with their friends.
A video that I encourage you to share with your friends.
A video that was actually really fun to make.
